Does a Family Court Judge Have to Grant Time for a Case to Be Pit Together
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The "Hairy Paw"
A young homo named George had surgery to right an ugly scar on his hand. The surgeon grafted pare from George's chest onto his hand… except George had a hairy chest…so now he had a hairy manus as well. George sued the surgeon and was awarded "the difference in value between a 100 percent proficient hand… and a hairy hand."
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Poetic justice
Judges have latitude when it comes to how they write their opinions and some run with it. For example, hither'south how Justice Goldberg (a federal appeals court judge in Texas) began his 1986 opinion in the example of United States v. Batson:
Some farmers from Gaines had a plan.
It amounted to quite a large scam.
But the payments for cotton
began to smell rotten.
T'was a mugging of poor Uncle Sam.
Justice Goldberg keeps upwards the hilarity correct until the very end, even as he breaks the bad news to the farmers: they're nevertheless in big trouble.
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Party on, Garth
"After an farthermost close-upwards review of the tape and excellent authorities, the court enters the following social club." So begins the opinion of Federal Commune Judge Paine in Noble v. Bradford Marine, a clear shout-out to the hilarious movie, Wayne's World. The get-go section is captioned, "Hurling Chunks." The last: "A Schwing and a Miss." In between, Estimate Paine calls the defendant's case "bogus" and "not worthy" and ultimately denies the accused's motion with a curt, "Party on."
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The ole stiff shoes alibi
More legal hilarity comes from Frank Caprio,Providence'southward Main Municipal Judgein Rhode Isle and now the star of Defenseless in Providence, who, "judging" past the stories he recently shared with Reader's Digest, has conspicuously has heard everything. For example, a human charged with speeding really told Judge Caprio that he didn't realize he was speeding because he was wearing a potent, new pair of shoes and couldn't experience how hard he was pressing on the gas. If you don't laugh at these lawyer jokes, y'all might be held in contempt!
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TMI
Another human defendant of speeding seemed actually, well, anxious, as he stood before Approximate Caprio. "Is in that location something yous want to say?" Judge Caprio asked the homo. "Really, yes," the human being replied. "My wife and I are trying to have a baby, and she's ovulating right now."What could be said beyond, "Thanks for sharing"? Actually, these might only be the funniest lawyer jokes ever.
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The Heimlich "maneuver"
Another man stood before Judge Caprio defending himself for having parked in a handicapped spot, despite not having a sticker or a visible handicap. The man claimed he'd meant to park for just a moment to go into a eatery to bring his mother a glass of water (she was dehydrated, he explained). But when he was on his way out, he saw someone choking and felt obliged to administrate the Heimlich maneuver. The just problem was when Guess Caprio asked him how one does the Heimlich maneuver, the homo had not a clue. Guilty every bit charged!
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Well, that was awkward
In the "Only in Rhode Isle," category, Caprio tells Reader'southward Digest that everyone knows everyone in the tiny New England country, and sometimes it gets super bad-mannered. For instance, in one case a guy came in for a hearing on a parking ticket. So far so skillful… until his lawyer showed upwards. The lawyer, who was the husband of the accused'southward ex-wife, was also the erstwhile governor of Rhode Island. Spoiler alert: it turned out the parking ticket was issued in fault, so anybody went home happy (except the constabulary officer who wrote the ticket).
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"The dumpster made me do it"
Judge Caprio recalls the time a adult female argued confronting a parking ticket she'd received for parking in what had clearly been marked a loading zone. Not only was the sign clear on that, just the woman said she typically parked legally in an side by side spot.
"So why not park legally this time?" the judge asked.
"Considering a dumpster parked in that spot. So I took the spot the dumpster should take taken."
She had to, hm? She also had to pay her parking ticket…obviously. Here are some smart tips for fighting parking tickets.
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Sparkling wit
Speaking of funny judges, Judge Rosemarie Aquilina had u.s.a. in tears when she told us about an exotic dancer who, having pleaded guilty on a drug charge, was sentenced to wearing an ankle monitor. Just a few days after sentencing, still, the woman was back in the courtroom, seeking an exception because the ankle monitor was kind of "ruining her vibe" at the strip club. In response, Gauge Aquilina offered a veritable Solomon-esque solution: "Bedazzle that thing to match your outfits. Motion denied."
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Up the downward hairdo
Attorney Allison Margolin, partner at Margolin Lawrence, has her own rather amusing drug-related story, only her is from the other side of the bench. "I was defending a criminal client on a drug charge," she tells Reader's Assimilate, "and I smelled pot in the courtroom." Weirded out, she kept looking around trying to determine where it was coming from. She even looked in her own purse to run into if her client had used her as a "mule." No dice… until Margolin got home and took downwards her hair. "My client had stuck a joint in my up-exercise," she realized.
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The "cease" of a promising career
Alex Ozols, founder of Personal Injury Lawyers San Diego, fervently hopes that this chestnut did not bear witness to exist career-"catastrophe" for the intern it involved. "I was working in criminal police and had a case where a man had set upwardly cameras to watch women go to the bathroom," he tells Reader's Digest, "and oh, by the style, what he really liked was to watch them making…Number 2." The D.A. provided Ozols and his team with videos, which went to an intern to review. "Poor child had to scout four hours of bowel movements," Ozols explains. Hopefully, the story had a happy "ending."
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The Ex Files
Jonathan Rosenfeld, founder of Rosenfeld Injury Lawyers, tells Reader's Assimilate, "I get a ridiculous corporeality of correspondence from people wanting to sue their exes for allegedly giving them STDs."Oh? Exercise tell, Counselor."I always tell them it'south difficult to show they contracted it from a specific person, and their response is nigh inevitably to ship me a photo of the affected area." Every bit if that would establish the connection!?
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There's a difference between an actuary and a psychic
When Arkady Frekhtman, founding partner of Frekhtman & Associates, had a personal injury instance involving an injured immature man, winning a big judgment hinged on the young human being having a life expectancy of 87. So Frekhtman chosen in an actuarial skilful. When all was said and done (and won), the client asked to exist put in bear upon with the skilful. Why? Because he wanted to know exactly when he would dice and how… as if the expert were a psychic and non an actuary.
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Against attorney advice
Scott Trout, a leading divorce attorney with Cordell and Cordell, had a customer who claimed he wasn't making plenty money to afford to pay spousal back up. The matter was, the guy was a CEO of a big company and clearly could afford it. All the same, the guy insisted on making the claim, and the mean solar day of the trial, he came to court dressed in dirty work apparel and testified he worked equally a landscaper and barely made ends meet mowing lawns for a living.
It did non go well. Discover out the 38 dumbest criminals of all time.
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Nil like getting a Christmas commitment from a gang fellow member
Sheryl A. Sanford, a partner at Black Marjieh & Sanford LLP, has done quite a bit of criminal defense, which has led to some rather funny scenarios. For instance, she once received a Christmas menu with a puppy dog…from a Bloods gang fellow member. Some other time, she received an urgent message from a prisoner at Rikers. The only problem? He called himself "John Doe," making it incommunicable for Sanford to phone call back.
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Is a gourmet lunch an inalienable right?
Sanford's partner at BMS, Lisa J. Black, has had some pretty out-there exchanges with her criminal defense clients too. "This one guy idea the Department of Corrections was trying to turn him into a cyborg. Another came to me claiming the jail was violating his Constitutional rights by serving bologna sandwiches for lunch." Here are the unluckiest criminals we've ever seen.
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In that location'south performing, and then there's "performing"
Personal injury chaser Byron Browne tells Reader'due south Digest of a woman who'd been injured in an accident and claimed she could no longer perform at work. While it may be truthful that at that place were some activities she could no longer perform, a private investigator unearthed a treasure trove of professional developed films the woman had shot since the accident, proving there'southward performing, and then there's performing, and this woman was performing only fine, apparently.
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Feeling bullish
James Gray Robinson, a third generation trial attorney and self-proclaimed "cattle enthusiast," was in one case hired by an insurance company to defend a farmer who was being sued for rear-ending a vehicle…with a bull, thus putting a whole new significant to the notion of rear-catastrophe.
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He really tied one on
Chaser David Reischer, founder of LegalAdvice.com once had a client who was not into wearing business clothing. Not fifty-fifty business organization coincidental. This doesn't always go over so well with judges, so Reischer tried to convince the man to at least wear a tie. Just this once. The client obliged…he showed upwards the next twenty-four hour period wearing a huge clown necktie! Notice out the dumbest laws in every land.
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Ever hear the ane about the voir dire?
Voir dire, the procedure of jury selection, isn't always "funny," but hither's an exception. "I always enquire the jury pool if they know of my law firm," explains Adam Funk, a partner at the Potts Law Firm. This in one case, an elderly woman raised her hand and volunteered she'd worked there as a secretary, albeit decades ago."
That shouldn't be a trouble, Funk thought, but yet had to ask if the long-ago job would in any way impact her power to be impartial with Funk representing the firm.
"Well, I know your dominate, and he'due south a real jerk," the woman said sweetly.
Juror, dismissed. Don't miss the weird laws yous probably break all the time.
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A family affair
Family law attorney, Russell Knight, yet chuckles over this story of a adult female who wanted help in proving who was the father of her child. What should accept been a no-brainer, unfortunately, was a bit more complicated. Turned out, the child was the result of a one-night stand. The trouble, however, wasn't that she couldn't locate the father. The trouble was she could.
"Exercise you know any of his relatives," Knight asked her.
"I know his brother."
"OK, how do you know his brother?"
"He'south my husband."
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The "I Love Lucy" defense
Randolph Rice, founder of Baltimore'southward Rice Law Firm, always appreciated slapstick comedy but never thought it would plow upward in a example he was trying. "I was defending a woman on criminal charges, trying hard to convince the judge to empathise with her, when the woman went to pour herself a glass of water from the bullpen on the defence force table," Rice tells u.s.a.. "Equally she poured, the pitcher's lid fell off… sending water everywhere." At least the approximate had a good express mirth! Adjacent, find out the strangest police force in every state.
Originally Published: October 10, 2018
Source: https://www.rd.com/list/funniest-court-cases-of-all-time/
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